The Book of Alice Kirkland
by HetaliaHufflepuff33
Summary: Life as The U.K. isn't always easy. Just ask Alice Kirkland. Fem!England America/Fem!England
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: Fem!England people. Fem!England. This is the first chapter of The Book of Alice Kirkland. I know it has been done before, but I really wanted to try. I don't own Hetalia!

* * *

Chapter one, Hero Kisses and Big Brothers

Alice Kirkland, or England or Iggy, well she had many names, sat in her sitting room, sipping and enjoying her Earl Gray tea with her favorite tea cup. The one with Union Jack on it. Just then, she heard the front door open. She sighed, knowing who it was, but she also smiled, just a little.

"Alfred F. Jones! You better take those muddy shoes off before you walk into this sitting room! I'm not cleaning more of your messes in my house!" Alice yelled. She heard a chuckle from the hallway. She rolled her eyes. A blond with glasses came into the room. His shoes off. His glasses fogged and wet from the rainy London weather. His hair was soaked as well. His whole face lit up with a smile.

This man was America.

He smiled at the older woman. "No worries babe. I wouldn't do such a thing to you." He said before kissing her cheek. Acting as if he did no wrong. She put her tea down and rolled her eyes.

"You just don't want sex to be taken away." She muttered. Alice then felt strong, warm arms lifting her up, bridle style. Alice squealed and Alfred laughed.

"Jeez, calm down Iggy. You know me so well though." He said. She was about to tell him off, that was until she felt his warm lips on hers. She sighed and kissed the git back..

They where so caught up in the kiss the didn't hear the door open or see two red heads and a blond came in. All having the same green eyes. By this time, Alice and Alfred where on the coach, Alfred's hand up her shirt.

"GET YA NAST' AMERICAN 'ANDS OFF OUR LIL' SISTERS BREAST!" yelled the man in the kilt, known as Scotland or Angus. Alfred and Alice broke apart right then and there when they heard that voice. When Scotland was angry, it was a very bad sign.

Alice put her glasses on and fixed her pigtails and sweater. Alfred just sat there, red in the face, rubbing his neck.

"What the hell was that Alice?" Ireland, or Seamus asked, or yelled at his sister, while glaring at Alfred. America almost shit and pissed his pants. England glared at all her brothers.

"I told you I was seeing Alfred, you twats. And why don't you ever knock?" She asked.

"Your our baby sister, Alice Jane Kirkland. We don't want to see you like that at all." Wales said, not even bothering to answer his sisters question.

The fighting soon died down and England made some tea or coffee in America's case. Leaving the poor boy with Ireland, Scotland, and Wales.

"Ya broke Alice's lil' heart when ya became ya own country." Scotland said, glaring at the younger man and nation. He fixed his kilt as he did this too. America sighed. "I know." He said.

"If you ever break her heart again, we will break you neck. We don't care if you are America." The Irish male said. America smiled. "I love Alice. I would rather die than hurt her." Alfred said, looking at all the other men.

Just then, Alice came in with a tray of drinks. She handed the gingers tea with whiskey and Alfred his coffee, while she and Wales had real tea.

After that, Alice tried to lock the door whenever America came over to her house.

* * *

I hope you liked it so far.


	2. Remember

Author's Note: Ok, another Chapter. Please read. I'll give you a……..cookie. I don't own Hetalia. *Cry's*

* * *

_**Flashback! **_

_Alice sat in on her bed on the boat. She was on her way back to her little colony. She loved the seas. It always reminded her of her pirate day. When she took downs Spain and his bloody Spanish armada. Her and Lizzie where a good team. She stayed like this for ten minutes. Until she heard this voice. _

"_Land HOOOOO!" Alice jumped up and did a little jig. She couldn't wait to see the little lad again. _

_***_

_Alice walked into the house and smiled. It was all the same. "Alfred. I'm back, just like I said I would." She called. She walked into the sitting room to see a young teenager running to meet her. She was taken aback by this. Why would a teenager be there. _

"_Howdy England!" The boy said before hugging her. That's when she knew. America had grown. He was taller then her and looked quite hands-. She shock her thought away. _

"_America, you've grown." She said. _

_***_

_Alice stormed into the house. Her uniform on. She was meet by the thirteen colonies. _

"_What do you want, you British bitch!?" Yelled Virginia. She looked just like Alfred, but with green eyes. _

_Alice glared at her. "I'm her to talk to Alfred. This has gone to far. His men are hiding weapons and I know it!" She yelled. Pennsylvania was about to say something, but then Alfred came out. "Why don't you go to you rooms." He said to his children. His eyes never leaving Alice's. America led England to his sitting room. The older woman glared at him. _

"_This has gone way to far Alfred F. Jones. Now tell me where the weapons are and this whole thing can be over with." She said as she poked her finger into his chest. He then sighed. "England, I want freedom. How many fucking times do I have to say this. My children and I want this. My people want this! So if it's war their want. Then a war is what they're going to fucking get!" He said. _

_She smacked him. Alice could feel tears in her eyes. How could he do this to her. How could he! She was the one who feed him! She kept him safe. She would continue doing so, even if she was protecting him for himself! She was in love with the idiot wanker. _

_Alfred got up. He had fallen down when she smacked him. She was a strong woman. He knew that she loved him. So he did the only thing he could think of. He kissed her. Alice was shocked. How dare he kiss her. But………She kissed back. She didn't know why, but the way his lips moved with hers felt so right. He didn't kiss her sweetly. No, he kissed her with all his passion and anger. _

_When they pulled away he said. "I love you Alice. But I don't love England. I hope you can forgive me. I have loved you since my growth. Please don't hate me." He said. Alice smacked him again, making his nose bleed. _

"_If you bloody loved me, you would stop this fucking mess." She said in a low voice. "If you fucking loved me, you would stay with me! How can I not hate you!" She yelled this time before she ran out of the house. The truth was, she could never hate him. _

_***_

Alice woke with a start from her dream. She was breathing like she had run about fifty miles. She jumped when she felt arms around her waist. She looked over to see Alfred. Alice felt tears coming down her cheeks now.

He kissed her lips sweetly. "You were dreaming about the past weren't you?" He asked. She sighed, trying to keep herself together. "Y-yes." She said. Alfred kissed her lips.

"I love you." He said. She smiled "I love you to, even if you're a wanker." She said.

* * *

Done with this chapter.


	3. SO MUCH COOLER ONLINE

Author's note: I don't own Hetalia!

England: Why did you make me a bloody girl!

Me: Because your cute as a girl.

England: But I'm not a girl!

Me: I know, but you do love America.

England: *Turns red * I-I don't!

America: You so love me. I'm the hero!

Me: God Bless America!

England: Oh shut up ya wankers.

I'm so random. But like I said I don't own Hetalia. This one is a chat one.

* * *

British-Pirate-Angel is England or Alice

Hero-Man is America or Alfred

PASTA is N. Italy

The*Awesome is Prussia or Gilbert

Be One is Russia

Thanks

* * *

When England heard about the website and chat room for the Nations, she thought it was dumb. But then, America some how got her to make a Profile. She sighed as she sighed on to the chat room part.

British-Pirate-Angel has signed in.

Hero-Man has sighed in.

British-Pirate-Angel: I can't bloody believe you talked me into this. Wanker

Hero-Man: I did not talk u into anything. u begged. I seem to remember you saying, "Yes Alfred! More!"

British-Pirate-Angel: DON'T TALK ABOUT OUR SEX LIFE ONLINE!

PASTA has sighed in.

PASTA: Have you seen Germany?

Hero-Man: No Italy

PASTA: What did England want more of?

The*Awesome has signed in saying: **more of my five meters**.

British-Pirate-Angel: Oh for the love of……PRUSSIA, GET THE BLOODY HELL OFF THE NET!

Be One has signed in.

Hero-Man: WTF Get the hell off the Net ya Commie! U r not to be on here.

British-Pirate-Angel: Alfred, uses real words! For fucks sake.

PASTA: I'm going to go now, bye.

PASTA has signed out.

Be One: England, America, would you become one with me, da?

The*Awesome: I'm leaving.

The*Awesome has signed off.

Hero-Man: SHE WILL NEVER BECOME 1 WITH U! I WILL NEVER B 1 WITH U!

British-Pirate-Angel: America, Alfred F. Jones! Proper English Please!

Be One: I can see your State America.

Be one has been disconnected

Hero-Man: Thank you Pa

British-Pirate-Angel: For Fucks sake. I'm leaving. Love you.

Hero-Man: By love you too.

British-Pirate-Angel has signed off along with Hero-Man.

Alice sighed. She hated it when he didn't uses proper English.

* * *

I thought that England would be all pissed off with America using Text Lingo

This isn't the best thing I've done.


	4. Ghost

Author Note: I don't own hetalia.

* * *

Alice sat in her room at the UN building in New York City, thinking about old times with Alfred. When he was still a young boy.

_Flashback_

_England sighed as she lay down to sleep. It took a bit to get Alfred to lay down after his bath, but she had gotten it done. Soon, the nation feel asleep. _

_**_

_Alfred looked over at the full moon that was shining thought his window. The wind was howling, like angry ghost! He hid his head under his pillow. __**I have to be brave. I'm brave. I'm the hero! **__He thought to himself. Just then, he heard, or thought he heard someone call his name in a scary, ghostly voice. "Aaallffreed. Alfreddd." _

_The little colony jumped up and ran like a bat out of hell to England's room. He opened the door and ran over to her. He started to shake her, calling her name as he cried. Hey even the best Hero's cry. "England! England! ENGLAND!" On the third call, England opened her green eye. It took her a minute to understand who woke her. _

"_Alfred, what's wrong." she asked as she picked up the crying boy. He snuggled into her. Crying. "Ghost…wahh muffle…Me." Was all she could make out. She patted his head and said. "Alfred, I don't understand. You need to look at me when you talk and try to calm down so I can help you." she said. _

_The young boy pulled away and tried to calm down. Taking deep breaths. After five minutes, he could talk, but tears where still in his beautiful bright blue eyes. _

"_I heard a ghost! It called my name Iggy! I'm sorry I'm not being brave!" He said. She tried to keep from laughing, the poor boy had a fear of ghost. _

"_Alfred, everyone is afraid of something. Its ok. Sometimes the best thing to do it be scared, it takes the bravest men to cry." She said smiling. Alfred looked up at her. _

"_Really!" He asked, whipping his eyes. _

"_Really." Alice said. _

_Alfred hugged her. "But your not afraid of anything Iggy. You're the bravest girl I've ever met! No, you're the bravest person I've met!" He said. _

_Alice sighed. "No, I have fears too." She said. America looked up at her in disbelieve. "really, what are you afraid of." He asked. _

_England smiled. "I'm afraid of France's hairy chest. Now that is scary." She lied. America laughed. "That is scary." Then he yawned. _

_Alice giggled. "You can sleep in here tonight Alfred." She said. He nodded his little head and got set in bed. He fell right to sleep. Alice kissed his forehead. _

"_I'm not really afraid of France's chest, I'm afraid of losing you." She said. _

_End of Flashback. _

She smiled a sad smile at the thought. Just then, a knock came from the door. "Come in." She said, ready to hit France if he was the one to come in. But, it was America.

"Alfred, what's wrong?" The Englishwoman asked. The America looked like he was scared. "I'm scared." He said in a childish voice. England smiled. "You want to sleep in here?" She asked. A smiled came to Alfred's face. "Yes."

Soon, they both fell asleep.

* * *

This ones cute!


	5. Pick Up Lines Suck

Author's Note: I don't own Hetalia. No Lemons. I'm way to young to write of read them people!

* * *

Pick Up Lines Suck

Alfred paced his bedroom. There had to be a way to get Alice into bed. She hadn't been in the mood as of late.

"Dad, what the hell are you doing, Dude." Edward or Ed or Eddie or as his people called him, California asked.

Alfred looked up at his son. "Nothing Ed, just a grown up problem." America said.

"Dude! You need to get laid!" California said. The only time Alfred said it was a "Grown up problem" Was when he didn't get any for about two weeks.

America turned to Ed. "Yes, I know." he snapped. California smirked. "I could help you dad, dude." He said.

Soon, America had a plan. Pick up lines.

* * *

World Meeting.

America came up to England. "Hey Iggy." He said. She turned and sighed.

"What." She asked.

"Nice shoes, wanna fuck."

She then popped him in the nose.

***

From that day on he never used pick up lines again.

* * *

I know it was stupid, but I was funny when I thought it up.


	6. Horny Teenage Boy

Author's note: I don't own Hetalia! *Runs to an emo corner* Hey I need some ideas for this fanfic! Help please. I'll give ya a cookie! So in this Alfred is still having trouble getting some.

* * *

"Eeenngglllannddddddddd!" Alfred whined. He had been whining for the past two months.

"What!" She snapped. He pouted. "How come we haven't had sex for two whole months." He asked.

"NO MORE BLOODY PICK UP LINES!" She yelled. He help up his hands as a sign of defense.

"I wasn't going to try that. But why?" He asked. England sighed.

"I've just been really stresses as of late." She said, note looking up from her tea. They where in her sitting room.

"Oh." He said. Soon, Alice didn't know how it happened, but she and Alfred where snogging like a pair of horny teenagers. Well Alfred did look about nineteen, and he was always horny and hungry like a teenage boy.

* * *

Alfred held Alice close after some mind blowing sex! Well he was the hero, hero's did it better!

"I love you." She said into his chest. She was laying onto of him.

"I love you too." He said before kissing her head.

* * *

Yeah done.


	7. Is Your Eggo Prego?

Author's note: People, I would like to thank some people for reading this fan fic. First off I would like to thank Hope-sama for reviewing it first. Thank you A Bleach-Drinking Hetalian for all the feedback. And thank you Aussie-limey for the idea of this next chapter. You all have been great and I am so happy you like my fan fiction. I would also like to thank people who, I hope, have read this story but haven't commented. I'm just happy people like it! ;) I don't own Hetalia. Ok so the fic starts out slow and sad a bit, but America is in it so he'll say something stupid more than likely. God bless him.

* * *

Women nations where like every other woman. Which meant they could get their periods. Which meant they could get pregnant.

Alice Kirkland, or England stared at her little calendar. Never, and I mean never had she been late. Not in all her years had she ever missed a period. Her heart was pounding five miles a minute!

"This can't be bloody happening." She whispered. She felt like crying. She felt like she could curl up into a little ball and cry her eyes out. She walked over to the mirror and looked at herself.

She looked the same, her hair was still in pigtails. Her glasses where on, and her green eyes where still green. But for some reason she felt as if she would look different. Her eyes where the only thing off. Her green eyes showed sadness and anger, and…….joy.

Just then, the song "I need a Hero." Started playing from her cell phone. She picked it up and said. "Hello." in a small voice, that almost sounded like a little girls.

"Alice, is that you. You sound sick." Alfred said.

It took all Alice had not to cry. It also took all her will not to yell at him and cuss him out.

"No Alfred, I'm not feeling to well. We need to talk." She said.

"I'm at the airport now Iggy. Just let me stop at a McDonalds and then I'll be there. I haven't eating in about ten hours. New York and Massachusetts where fighting over who was better, the Red Sox or the Yankees. So I didn't have a time to eat." he said with a laugh.

Alice said nothing. This was scaring him, was she alright.

"Just hurry your arse please." She said in that small voice again.

"Right. I love you." He said.

"I love you too." She said before she hung up.

* * *

Alfred hurried though the London streets, he was two streets away from her house. He had to hurry. He passed a Homeless guy, who was asking everyone if they'd had seen any Nazis'. He jumped over a dog pissing and ran to her house. He ran into the house, not taking his shoes off. He heard crying.

"Alice! Where are you?" He called.

"I'm in the water closet." She called in a small voice.

"Why you in the crapper?" He called as he ran up to her bathroom.

He opened the door to fine England sitting on the tolet, crying. He dropped his burger (A/N: HE DROPPED HIS FUCKING BURGER!) and came to her side.

"Alice, Alice babe, what's wrong?" He asked. She looked over at him.

"A-Al-Alfred, I-I m-m-may b-be pre-pregnant." She said in such a small voice. Not the voice of the British Empire. Not the voice of his Alice.

The words sunk in after two seconds. Alfred looked at her and stared. "What?" He asked.

Now Alice hit him.

"You heard me! You may have knocked me up you bloody prat!" She was glaring at him.

Alfred said nothing for about five minutes. Then he said, "I'll go get a test." He started to leave before she said, "Two test."

* * *

Alice and Alfred paced. They where waiting for the test that only took about five minutes. Soon, Alfred looked at his watch and said, "You can go check them."

Alice ran up to the bathroom and checked both test. Both said, Not Pregnant on them. In a way, she felt happy, but in a way, she was sadden.

"Is your eggo Prego?" Came Alfred's voice.

"No." She said and turned to him.

"Alfred, I know I was angry at you when I thought I was pregnant, but now, I in a way, want a baby." She said in a small voice. She wouldn't look in to his eyes.

She felt him pull her to him, hugging her.

"Alice, if you want a baby, then we can have a baby." He said.

* * *

Ok, what do you thank, should Alice and Alfred try for a baby? Its up to you all.


	8. Alfred's Big Head Just Got Bigger

Author's note: Hey people. Another chapter of The Book Of Alice Kirkland! Hey people I would like to thank everyone who as read this story and all the feedback I'm getting for this story! Thanks so much! Ok, you all know I don't own Hetalia what so ever. Enjoy this next chapter. This one is going to be great.

* * *

Alice Kirkland smiled up at Alfred F. Jones, as they lay in his bed after making love. "I love you." She said.

He kissed her head. "I love you too." He said. They stayed quiet for about five minutes.

"Do you think my boys got your eggo prego?" Alfred asked.

Alice hit him. "Why to ruin the bloody mood ya git!" She said. He rubbed his head.

"And why do you always say that?" She asked. He smiled, still rubbing his head.

"Its from the movie Juno, an American teenager gets pregnant and the one guy was all like, 'Your eggo is prego.'" Alice rolled her eyes. "Of cause, more pregnant teenagers in America."

"Hey, you have pregnant teenagers in England too!" He shot back.

* * *

*two mouths later*

Alice paced as she waited for that bloody test. She looked down at her watch every five seconds or so. This was taking to bloody long. And America wasn't even there to help her, not that he was much help. He always said something about eggo and Prego. _He's just a git._ Alice thought. She looked back at her watch. It was time.

Alice ran to her bathroom and walked over to the test in slow motion. It was like she was coming up to a wild animal.

She soon picked up the test that read, "Pregnant." Alice's heart stopped. She looked at the other four test she took. All said the same thing, "Pregnant."

* * *

America sat in his room, playing this new game Japan had given him for no reason. Just then, the song _God Save the Queen_ started to play. He put his game on pause and picked it up.

"Alfred F. Jones, Hero of America speaking." He said.

"Stop giving yourself a bigger head and pick me up from the airport. I have some news." Alice said.

"Ok, be there soon babe." He said before hanging up. He had know clue what news she had, he was America, he could be a bit thick.

Alfred said bye to Tony and grabbed his keys and set off to the airport.

Once he got there he saw England, her hair was down, not in pigtails which was odd, and she wore a baggy shirt that said, "Good looking and British, oh when will it end." Alice also wore a pair of jeans. She never dresses like this.

She ran up to him and hugged him.

"Um…are you ok Iggy?" He asked. She pulled away and smiled.

"yes, I'll tell you the news at your house."

Once they got to his house, England set off to make some tea. She kept some Earl Gray tea here for when she came to visit.

"So what is the news." She heard his voice. She turned to see him sitting in one of the fifty three chairs, (One for D.C. One for America and one for Tony) he had a large kitchen.

Alice sighed, he was so thick sometimes.

"Well Alfred, I took a test, saw the doctor and they both said the same thing? What in the world could I be bloody talking about!" She glared half-heartedly.

It took America a bit to think. _What could she be talking about? The only thing I can think of is if she's pregnant but she would have sa-PREGNANT!_

"YOUR PREGNANT!" He yelled. Alice, who had just put some milk in her tea turned around.

"Took you a bit didn't it." She said. Before she could blink, she was in Alfred's arms, kissing him. The kiss was loving and full of joy. She could sense some cockiness too.

Soon, after a some sex, (Alfred was scared to death that sex would hurt the baby, until Alice told him that it was safe, it didn't sink in until the fifth time, then he jumped. He really was a horny teenage boy) they decided to call both of their families. Alice called all her brothers to came to America, America called all his "Children" Or states, and his brother.

* * *

Two days later, fifty six or so people where waiting to see what England and America had to say.

Alice stood up. "As you all know I am seeing Alfred, we decided that we wanted to hav-" Alfred cut her off.

"Alice is pregnant!" Alice hit him calling him a git.

Everyone started talking at once.

"What do ya mea' Alice is pregnant!" Scotland yelled.

"Dad can't you keep it in your pants, dude?" California asked.

Wales started yelling in Walsh. Cuss words mind you.

"I'm getting another sibling. Yinz do need to keep it in your pants." Pennsylvania said. (A/N, the funny thing is, I'm from Pa and we do say Yinz all the time)

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, eh." Everyone looked over at Canada. He turned red. "Go on." He said.

* * *

This is by far the longest chapter I've done for this story. I hope you liked it.


	9. England Is Hungry

Author's note: Ok people, another chapter. I hope you like it.

* * *

*Month six*

Alice lay on her bed. She could really go for some pancakes, oh and a big glass of Coke, oh and a hamburg-. What the fuck was this child doing to her!

Alice looked over at the sleeping nation next to her. He was holding her from behind, his hands resting on her still growing belly. He looked so peaceful, she didn't want to wake him up.

_But I'm want food!_ She thought. Just then the baby kick, as if it agreed with its mother. Alice sighed and turned to shake Alfred. He didn't move. She tried again, but a bit rougher. Nothing, now she was getting mad.

"Oi, America, wake up!" She yelled. He shot up, looking all over the place saying, "Matthew did it!" Alice hit his arm.

"You git, don't blame you brother." She said. He stared at her for a minute.

"What time is it Iggy?" He asked with a yawn.

"Its four a.m." She said. He groaned.

"England! Why did you wake me up?" he whined. She rolled her eyes.

Alice took his hand a rested it on her belly.

"Our child is hungry, which means I'm hungry. Would you be a gentlemen and get us some food please?" She asked in a sweet tone.

Alfred sighed and grabbed Texas from the night stand. He got up and put pants over his U.S.A. boxers. "Sure what do you want?" he asked.

Alice turned red. She didn't want him to know that she wanted some of his repulsing hamburgers, his brothers pancakes, and a Coke.

"Um…W-w-well please." She said in a rush.

Alfred looked at her. "In English please. America English." He added. She rolled her eyes.

"I…I want a big juicy hamburger with tomatoes and pickles, and pancakes smothered in maple syrup, and a big, tall, handsome glass of Coca Cola." She said. She felt so ashamed! How could a really English person like her want North American food?!

Alfred looked at her for a long time, then a big cocky smiled was on his face. She knew this would happen. He hugged her and said, "Our child loves McDonalds! Oh, it is my kid! I thought it would want tea and fish n' Chips!" He yelled.

When he pulled away he saw that England was glaring at him with such hatred. "Shut up you git." She snapped. He smiled and set off. It was a good thing that Matthew was stay the night, there was a UN meeting in the morning. He woke his brother up to make pancakes and when to a McDonalds somewhere in London.

Once Alfred got back to England's, he saw that she ate all the pancakes Mattie had given her. Matthew smiled at his brother, before he when back to the guest room.

Alfred set her food down and took his out of the bag. He had the something she had. They both started to eat.

Alice still felt Ashamed!

* * *

I thought it would be funny because England hates his food! Next Chapter will be on the UN. Meeting.


	10. Author's Note! READ!

**Author's note: Hey guys. My laptop is broken and I haven't have anytime to work on The Book of Alice Kirkland. I'm so sorry. I will be writing more to it, as soon as my laptop is fixed. The PC I'm writing this to is my dad's girlfriends, so yeah. I hope you haven't given up on me. I will be writing more. I will. Thank you, **

**Love, Roni or Twilightlover33**

**\**


	11. Don't Make Her Angry!

Author's Note: Hey, I just wanted to write a little something for all the readers. I will not update for a while after this. Or I may. I don't know. I'm writing this at my dads house on his girlfriends PC, so yeah. This is set at the U.N. meeting. Oh, and I have a question. Do you want the baby to be Washington D.C. or London?: I have the sex picked out. This is right after the McDonalds thing.

* * *

England was in a bad mood at the U.N. meeting. First, the Frog tried to grope her, then Italy was sing, "Pasta, Pasta, PASTA!" and then, she found Canada and Ukraine snogging, and to finish it all off, she saw China and Russia doing it. It was……scary. Very scary!

"Does anyone have any questions?" Germany asked. She hadn't been paying much mind to him. He was a bit boring. Okay, he was really boring. America raised his hand.

"Yes America. If it has to do with building a big super-hero to save the Ozone then sit down!" Germany glared.

"It has nothing to do with that." Alfred said. England rolled her eyes. As much as she love the git, he was a bit crazy, and nosy, and cocky.

"Then please go on." Germany sat down next to Northern Italy.

"Let the record show that, Miss. Alice Kirkland, A.k.a England was craving North American food last night!" Alfred called. England had two thoughts, Kill him, or cut him off of sex.

Everyone was shocked, and looked over at England. Ireland's mouth was open. "What are you gits staring at. I'm pregnant with America's child, of course its going to want a bloody hamburger!" She yelled. She stood up, with some difficulty.

"And I know for a fact that everyone is pointing and laughing, because the pregnant woman can't get out of her chair, or how America knocked me up cause he can't use a Johnny! But let me tell you all right now, I know where you live and I'm hopped up on hormones, so you better shut your bloody traps before I shut them for you!" She yelled.

After that, no one spoke a word about Alice. They where to afraid of her! Hell, even Russia was a bit scared, only a little.

* * *

I like this one. Okay guys, vote on if the Baby is Washington D.C. or London. I have the sex picked out.


	12. GET IT OUT! PART ONE

Author's note: hey all. Iggy doesn't give birth yet. But very soon my friends very soon. Thank you all for reading. OMG, I was just watching New Moon, I love twilight, well duh, its in my pen name. I just had to say something. I'm so random.

* * *

Nine Mouths.

"Take it out, damn it, take it out!" Alice yelled as she sat down. She was two days past her due date and very pissy.

"Calm down Iggy. The baby will come when he wants to." Alfred said before taking a big bite out of his half eaten Hamburger.

"Shut up! You're the one who did this to me! And how the bloody hell do you know it's a boy. The Doctor never told us you twat." Alice glared at the American.

"Because, I know." America said. England glared.

"You have such a big head." She said just so he could hear.

"Oh you love it." He said.

* * *

That night, England read on the net about how sex could help with labor. She smiled at the thought. She got up and went to the bedroom.

"Oh Alfred." She said in a sexy voice. He smiled at her.

"Hey babe. You still mad?" He asked.

"No, but I do think you look sexy in those boxers." She said, pointing down to his, I heart NY boxers. America smiled a cocky smiled.

* * *

Alice lay there, on Alfred's left side. He held her from behind. She could fell contractions, and they where getting closer.

She did finely get to sleep. But then she woke up and found her bed was wet. She screamed.

America got up and said, "Back off Commie!" As if Russia where there.

"NO YOU TWAT, MY BLOODY WATER BROKE, GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL, NOW!" And with that, they were on their way to the Hospital.

* * *

LOL! not as funny, but I love how Cocky America can be. People please vote on who this baby will be. I have the sex picked out. So yeah.


	13. GET IT OUT! part two

Author's note: Hello people who read my story! I am here to make another chapter of The Book of Alice Kirkland. I hope you like it. Hey in one chapter I said about D.C.'s chair in the kitchen, well pretend I didn't write that! ;) Here ye be.

* * *

Alfred helped Alice into the wheelchair. "Mr. Jones, we need you to sign these forms." An English nurse said. Alfred kissed Alice's cheek and said,

"I'll be there, I promise."

"You better be Alfred F. Jones, you're the one who did this to me." She growled, before saying in a childlike voice, "Don't take long."

* * *

Soon, Alice was in a room, it didn't take long for Alfred to come in, which is odd because he hates paper work, he rather eat, sleep, have sex or play video games, or try to be a hero.

"Where's the doctor?" Alfred asked when he came in.

"They had to get him." Alice said before another contrition came. After five minutes of waiting and pain, the Doctor came in.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Potter." (A/N: I couldn't think of any other English names, I did think of Cullen, but well, Idk) He checked Alice out and said, "Your ready to push."

* * *

*Nine hours later*

"ALFRED F. JONES, I HATE YOU, I BLOODY HATE YOU! YOU ARE NEVER, EVER FUCKING TOUCHING ME EVERY AG-AHHHH!" Alice yelled.

"Miss. Kirkland, just two more pushes I swear." Dr. Potter said. He was right, after two pushes the baby was out, a baby girl.

"It's a girl, a beautiful baby girl." America said.

"Oh lord." Dr. Potter said.

"What?" Alice asked, then she knew what, she felt more pain.

"Twins."

* * *

Alfred looked at the twins in the nursery. A baby boy, named George Arthur Jones, for the fact that he was Washington D.C. He had green eyes and Alfred's blond hair. The baby girl, her name was Elizabeth Mary Kirkland, for the fact that she was London. She had her mothers hair and her father's beautiful sky blue eyes. To Alfred, they where beautiful, he thought all his children, the states, where beautiful.

But these babies where a bit different, their mother was England, Alice Kirkland, the woman he loved. He didn't hear the old nurse cone up to him.

"Mr. Jones, Miss. Kirkland is asking for you." You could tell that she didn't like that fact that Alice and Alfred weren't married. She thought she was older, wiser then Alice and Alfred. The thought made Alfred smiled, no one in England was older then England herself. Hell, no one in England was as old as he was!

"She's up?!" the American asked.

"Yes, and the children must be fed, myself and another nurse will be in with them." She said before leaving.

Alfred found Alice wake, but very weak.

"How do you feel?" He asked. Alice sighed.

"Tired, and sore." Alice said.

Alfred came over to her side. "You did really well. I still have fifty calls to make to tell the states, we have to call your brothers, and Canada and Fra-" Alice cut him off.

"Alfred, lets just rest. I have to feed George and Elizabeth. You go make all the calls, and don't let my brothers bully you." She said before kissing his cheek, a very un-England or Alice thing to do.

"Okay." He said. Just then, the babies where brought in. Alfred kissed his children's head. After feeding the babies, Alice held her children.

"I love you both. But I hope you aren't hyper like your father. Or have is taste for food. Just because I liked then when I was pregnant doesn't me I'm going to let my daughter eat them." Alice said.

"My son, Washington D.C. and my daughter, London. Beautiful." Alice said.

* * *

I fooled you all! So yeah, I did both. I wasn't planing to at first, it was in mind but then I got a review saying that it would be cool, so I did it. Thanks for the reviews!


	14. Odd Family and Hyper Daughters

I don't own Hetalia!

* * *

*Four years later*

"Mummy?! Mummy?! MUMMY!" a little blond haired blue eyed girl said as she to wake up her sleeping mother.

Alice woke up to see her daughter looking at her with a serious look.

"Elizabeth, what's wrong, did you have a bad dream?" Alice asked as she sat up. She then saw that it was light out.

"Mummy, daddy and George will be here soon! Get dress please! I haven't seen Daddy in ages, and George and I are going to make a fort!" The little girl said as she jumped up and down, the serious look gone. Alice smiled.

Her daughter was the female version of Alfred, but she wasn't to found of fast food, or America football. She was full of life and hyper, and loved to get on Alice's nerves, but she couldn't help but love the way those big blue eyes looked at her. Damn it, why did she have to get his eyes. Elizabeth also told her father and brother when they didn't use proper English, just like her mother, which George would say, "Well we speak American English sister."

George was more like his mother. He loved old books such as Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, well anything by Shakespeare. And he was only four, so he had to have his mother help him with the big words, so Alice just read to him. He also loved history, and liked tea. But he loved fast food and could be a bit rude to his sister at times. America said he got that from Alice.

"Sweetheart, we have two hours, I have to get dressed and we have to go to the airport. So calm down." Alice said. She really need to get that child tested for ADHD. (A/N: yeah, I have that and I can get really hyper, I wonder if America has it?!)

"But mummy!" Elizabeth whined. So much like her father that it scared Alice a bit.

"Okay, just let me get my tea." England said before getting up and going to the kitchen.

Soon, before Alice knew it, she and Elizabeth were on their way to the airport.

"Mummy, mummy mummy mummy!" Elizabeth said really fast.

"When daddy and George are there, we're going to have so much fun. Then, at the U.N. meeting, George and I are going to play with Prussia!" For some reason, Prussia like to play with the children. "Because I'm so awesome, I need to make your kids awesome." He had said.

"Sweetheart, calm down." Alice said. This child tired her out. But damn it she loved her and her brother with all her heart.

Once they were at the airport, Alice took Elizabeth's hand. "Don't want any one to take you away. Your father and I would be devastated." Alice would always say. Soon, they waited for Alfred and George. Elizabeth had made a sighed that said, in red white and blue colors of course, "DADDY AND GEORGE! MUMMY AND I ARE OVER HERE! WE LOVE YOU!" Alice chuckled when she saw it. Her daughter could also be very blunt.

It didn't take long until the flight from New York landed. Alice couldn't wait to see Alfred and their son. She hadn't seen George since last mouth, when she was in D.C. with Elizabeth.

"Mummy! Look, I see Daddy! And George!" Elizabeth yelled as she jumped up and down. She then looked up at her mother, this look meant, "Mummy can I run to daddy!"

"Go on, just go strait for your father." Alice said firmly. With that, the little blond took off like a rocket to her father.

"DADDY! GEORGE!" She yelled before hugging her father's leg. Alfred laughed and picked her up.

"Hey baby girl. Have you been good for you mother?" Alfred asked. Elizabeth nodded. She is such a daddy's girl. Alice thought as she walked up to Alfred and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"Hey Iggy, was she good?" He asked. Alice nodded. "But she needs tested for ADHD. I swear that child." Alice said.

"Mom." Alice looked down at her little boy. His green eyes held a smile along with his lips. Alice picked her son up.

"Hello sweetheart. How's things in America." She asked. The little blond nodded. "Good." She said before kissing her son's head. "I've missed both of my boys." Alice said.

Alfred smile a cocky smile. "I know why you missed me." he said in a sing song voice. Alice turned red and said, "You're a git."

"Why?" Both twins asked.

"Well, for reasons that Elizabeth will not know of until she's seventy." Alfred said. Alice hit him, making him say, "OWCH, IGGY!"

The odd family set off for the Kirkland house. This would be a good week, even if her boyfriend and daughter where hyper, and her son and boyfriend loved that bloody fast food.

* * *

Whow, I hope you like it.


	15. Curl Punishment

Author's note: Hey all. I'm about done with The Book Of Alice Kirkland. But I'm thinking of doing a sequel, with George and Elizabeth. Thanks for reading people ;) Oh and this is where the last chapter left off. Just so ya'll know, for the ones that forget or didn't pay any mind to American History, Fort McHenry was a fort in Baltimore, Maryland during the War Of 1812, another war against the British and America. The British tried to take it over, but the American's stayed strong during the fight, the large American Flag stayed up all night, never replaced with the Union Jack. The Star Spangled Banner was Written over that battle. Sorry, I'm in love with America History, well History in general, its just so fun to learn about. So all in all, America won the battle and the war. So England's still a little pissed about it in the story.

* * *

"Daddy, guess what!" Elizabeth said as they drove from the airport to the Kirkland household. Of course America and England where having a fight over "Why do you have to be so weird and drive on the wrong side of the road?" As Alfred put it. Or as Alice put it, "Why do you have to be a bloody prat and drive on the wrong side of the bloody road?"

"What Lizzie?" America asked. England didn't like the nickname he came up with, both children had two nicknames. Elizabeth's were Lizzie and Punk Rocker, made by Alfred saying, "Well all punk rockers have the Union Jack on something, so duh I'm going to call her that." George's where Georgie, made by his sister, and D.C. made by Alfred and his states. The only time they where called Washington D.C. or London where when they went to a meeting with their parents.

"When we get home, Georgie and I are going to build a fort! And mummy will play the Beatles!" Elizabeth said in a hyper voice.

"Yeah, a fort, lets name it Fort McHenry." George said.

"NO!" both England and America said.

"But why not?" Elizabeth asked, but then she remember. For both Twins only being Four years old, they knew the History of both America and England, being their children and their capitals.

"Oh, sorry mum." Elizabeth said. "Sorry mom." George said.

Once they got to the house, Elizabeth dragged her brother to her room to make a fort.

"She really is hyper." Alfred said as he set off to make some coffee. Alice was making tea and some peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches for the kids. Somehow she couldn't even manage to make those taste good.

"You just now notices Alfred?" Alice asked sarcastically.

"No, but she gets worse every time I see her. Their both getting so big too. Yesterday, Virginia came over, she and George where talking about Shakespeare. He just like you sometimes." America said.

England smiled. "She always did have good taste, I don't know how you American's can read those Twilight books though. Harry Potter is so much better." She said as she put the jam on the bread.

"Oh please! I saw you reading Twilight last month." Alfred said. Alice turned red.

"Okay, so they aren't half bad. But Harry Potter is so much better. I cried when Dumbledore died!" Alice said.

"Harry Potter's good, but Twilight is about a girl who falls in love with a vampire! A vampire! How cool is that?" Alfred asked. England rolled her eyes.

"George, Elizabeth, snack time." Alice yelled. She heard them both groan. Elizabeth was used to England cooking, so she didn't whine to much about eating it. But George hated it. He'd rather eat Texas' BBQ. Yummy.

"Oh don't you two complain. There are people in Africa who don't eat at all. So get you little bums down here." Alice called.

*In Africa*

"We have food from England." The African country said. "I'm not eating though, I'd rather go hungry than eat it and get sick." He said before throwing it away, a dog came up and sniffed, then it yelped and ran away.

*Back in England*

Both Children came down.

"But mommy, I'm not hungry." George said, just then, his belly growled.

So, both children had to eat the death trap Alice called food.

"This is curl and unusual punishment, that's against the eighth Amendment." George said as he and his sister walked up to her room.

"But where not in America, where in England." Elizabeth said.

* * *

Lol, even her kids hate her cooking, and so do African countries. I hope this no one gets mad at this chapter! It was just a joke people. But they say England can't cook!


	16. The End

Author's note: I don't own Hetalia.

* * *

"Mummy! Can I go hung out with Prussa?" Elizabeth asked. "George wants to hang out too!" The hyper little girl said as she yanked her brother by her side. "Ouch, London! That hurt. And you have to call me Washington D.C. at meetings or D.C. You can't call me George at these things!" He said.

"Yes, you can go place with Prussia, but be good." Alice said. She smiled as her children ran off to play with the albino. He was really found of the children.

"Their growing up to fast." America whispered into her ear. She smiled. "Yeah." She said.

"England! America! We have a meeting going on here! If you would please be quiet!" Germany snapped.

England rolled her eyes. Then, America started to ramble on about building a big hero to save them from global warming. England again rolled her eyes, some things would never change.

The End of The Book of Alice Kirkland!

* * *

Thank you all for reading. I'm doing another one for George and Elizabeth!


End file.
